Happy Daddy's Day to all of the daddies out there! I know that the appropriate name is Father's Day, but I always thought that "Father" seemed so distant, while "Daddy" more accurately sums up the safe and fun feeling of paternal love.
I lost my daddy almost three years ago. And strangely enough, today doesn't really make me miss him anymore than any other day. Because for me, this day is no different than any other. My father was, and will always remain, the greatest man that I have ever known...on Father's Day, and every other day of the year! And I try to celebrate him every day by remembering his great love of family, by laughing often-as was his habit, and by living my life in a way that would make him smile with pride.
I have many memories of my father's love, but there is one memory that stands out above all others. When I was about three or four, we went to visit a friend of Daddy's. This man had some baby chickens, and I fell in love with them. The man told me that if my dad could catch them, I could take them home with me. My next memory is of holding my newest pets in a small box, while my dad leaned against the bed of his blue Ford pickup. My eyes were drawn to his hand, which was bleeding from a vicious attack from the mother of the baby chicks. I remember looking at that stream of blood and thinking, "Wow! My Daddy loves me so much. He got hurt just to give my by baby chickens."
I am the person that I am because of my Daddy. And I will choose to live my life in a way that honors who he was and who he wanted me to be. I will laugh. I will love. I will give up security in order to reach for better things. I will play jokes. I will be sarcastic. And every day I will remember that I am my Daddy's daughter, and know, that today and every other day that, being his daughter is one of the greatest things to be.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Young Love
I miss the conviction of young love, the unshakable knowledge that your love is true, the lightness of a relationship, that lacks the baggage that is the equivalent of an overseas trip! But I mainly miss the certainty that the person that you are with is "the one," and that because you love each other, nothing else matters.
We laugh, those of us who remember feeling this way. We shake our heads because we remember those exact words coming out of our mouths, as the elders in our life cautioned us to take things slowly.
I like to think that I'm the cool mom, but because it is written in the parent handbook that we must give "the speech," I do what I must! "Take it slow," yada yada, "You are too young," yada yada, then I throw in a couple "you don't really know what love is," and suddenly the position of least understanding parent in the world, previously held by my parents, is now firmly a part of MY parental resume!
Back think, things were simple, when love was simply enough. But now we roll our eyes and tell the youngsters that they should take it slow, that they are too young, and of course, they listen to us as well as we listened to our elders. And this is exactly the way it should be. Love is a lesson that can't be learned second hand. The pain and loss of our first love can't be avoided through wise advice, and in fact, shouldn't be avoided at all!
So tonight, I'm grateful for the blind love and the devastating loss of my first love, and all of the loves and losses that came after. Because I know that I had to go through all of THAT to get to this. And THIS, for all of its difficulties, is pretty darn awesome!!
We laugh, those of us who remember feeling this way. We shake our heads because we remember those exact words coming out of our mouths, as the elders in our life cautioned us to take things slowly.
I like to think that I'm the cool mom, but because it is written in the parent handbook that we must give "the speech," I do what I must! "Take it slow," yada yada, "You are too young," yada yada, then I throw in a couple "you don't really know what love is," and suddenly the position of least understanding parent in the world, previously held by my parents, is now firmly a part of MY parental resume!
Back think, things were simple, when love was simply enough. But now we roll our eyes and tell the youngsters that they should take it slow, that they are too young, and of course, they listen to us as well as we listened to our elders. And this is exactly the way it should be. Love is a lesson that can't be learned second hand. The pain and loss of our first love can't be avoided through wise advice, and in fact, shouldn't be avoided at all!
So tonight, I'm grateful for the blind love and the devastating loss of my first love, and all of the loves and losses that came after. Because I know that I had to go through all of THAT to get to this. And THIS, for all of its difficulties, is pretty darn awesome!!
Friday, June 18, 2010
I am not a cook!
Contrary to the name of my blog, "I am not a cook!" Please forgive my cheap play on Nixon's famous claim, but I just couldn't resist!
The name of my blog comes from an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, where Buffy is telling Angel that she isn't done baking yet, meaning that she is not yet a finished product...not yet who she is meant to be. And that is how I feel about myself. I'm not yet who I'm meant to be.
At 35, I'm at an age where most people are pretty settled in their lives, and I was. Settled that is, for the most part. But I didn't feel that I was done baking...that for some reason my chips weren't quite gooey enough. Ok, I think that I have taken the cookie/baking metaphor as far as it will go, but the point is that I still have things to do.
So last week, on the day that my daughter graduated from high school, I did the unthinkable in such a difficult economy. I quit my job of 14 years. Wow! I still can't believe that I did it! So now my plan is to finish out the month at my job as Interim Registrar, and then to begin the next chapter of my life.
This new chapter will involve many new challenges but hopefully some fun and maybe, just maybe, a little excitement. So this blog will hopefully be a manifestation and a chronicle of my new "baking" experience...not to be confused with my half-baked experience, which is another blog post altogether.
The name of my blog comes from an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, where Buffy is telling Angel that she isn't done baking yet, meaning that she is not yet a finished product...not yet who she is meant to be. And that is how I feel about myself. I'm not yet who I'm meant to be.
At 35, I'm at an age where most people are pretty settled in their lives, and I was. Settled that is, for the most part. But I didn't feel that I was done baking...that for some reason my chips weren't quite gooey enough. Ok, I think that I have taken the cookie/baking metaphor as far as it will go, but the point is that I still have things to do.
So last week, on the day that my daughter graduated from high school, I did the unthinkable in such a difficult economy. I quit my job of 14 years. Wow! I still can't believe that I did it! So now my plan is to finish out the month at my job as Interim Registrar, and then to begin the next chapter of my life.
This new chapter will involve many new challenges but hopefully some fun and maybe, just maybe, a little excitement. So this blog will hopefully be a manifestation and a chronicle of my new "baking" experience...not to be confused with my half-baked experience, which is another blog post altogether.
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